Bush and Blair meet up in Crawford ( again! ) a few days before Blair’s appearance at the Chilcot Inquiry.

Bush: How are you going to handle this shit?

Blair: I’ve got some shit on John Terry that I’ll leak at the beginning of the next week after my testimony!

Bush: Johnny who?

Blair: John Terry! How can I explain this? He’s like a famous Quarterback!

Bush: You got the NFL over there?

Blair: The Quarterback thing, it’s a metaphor

Bush: He plays for the Metaphors! Are they in Mancheester?

Blair: Bloody hell…. Yes yes, they’re in Manchester

Bush: Awesome

Blair: Anyway listen, I’ve got this shit on him cheating on his wife with his best friend’s ex-wife! Once the papers get hold of this in a world cup year, everyone will forget all the crap I’ll say at the inquiry. All I’ll do is go in there f**k around and say the Lord made me do it, no regrets, Saddam was a wanker, blah blah blah then I’ll get home call my mates at the Sun and hand them this story about Captain Courageous and before you know it I’ll be in Kazakhstan giving lectures at a Million a pop, teaching their Dictator how to lie to his people with the conviction that is required of a Leader.

Bush: I hear you man, lying ain’t easy! You might mess up and catch a case or an inquiry!

Blair: Very funny George, very funny.

Bush: Seriously, you know, you and Nixon never knew when to stop, that’s what messed both of you up….. I mean what was that 45 minute claim for? Couldn’t anyone in that cabinet of yours tell you that shit was impossible?

Blair: Nah, they just sat there staring at the ceiling twiddling their thumbs, they were too scared to tell me anything.

Bush: Dumb f**ks!

Blair: I know! Especially Gordon, he’s a special kind of dumb!

Bush: What does Gordon make of all this?

Blair: He dosen’t know shit! I got this (John Terry) story from Alistair, apparently Gordon was planning to use it the day after the IMF announces that the UK is f****d cause of him, but Alistair can’t stand him.

Bush: What will happen when he finds out you used his get out of jail card?

Blair: He’ll probably freak out and start throwing his printer and phones across the room again, he’s dumb like that

Bush: That’s messed up man, he could hurt someone doing stuff like that!

Blair: I know, but no one ever gets hurt cause they all stand to the left of him when he’s throwing things..

Bush: Why?

Blair: Cause he’s blind in his left eye.. he always throws things to his right

Bush: That’s kind of funny! Anyway, what if  the public don’t fall for that Captain two timer story? They might look at his circumstances and forgive the dude

Blair: Don’t make me laugh man! This is the UK we’re talking about. Half the damn country is unemployed and this dude is on £150,000 a week! The only way the press and the public will feel better is if they judge him till he damn near breaks down, like in the Champions league final!

Bush: The Metaphors are champions?

Blair: To hell with this, I’m off!……….. I’ll let you know what happens.

Bush: Nice one Tony, get me a Metaphors jersey when you visit again!

Blair: Wanker!

Bush: What?

Blair: Nothing mate, I’ll see what I can do. Bye.